Couple fight about this more than anything else much ado about nothing

Caralee Frederic, a couples’ therapist and weekend workshop counselor in Colorado, says conflict turns negative when the relationship lacks trust.
A person must trust that his or her partner is thoughtful and kind. This trust allows a person to give the partner a break.

Frederic recommends that couples:

  • Assess the Relationship
  • Identify Underlying Issues
  • Learn Positive Responses

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Stress of police work on marriage

The heart of law enforcement is “to protect and serve” the community. To do this effectively, and handle a range of situations and risks well, extensive training is a necessity.

Yet few people, including those in police work – and other careers that require intensive training – invest the same kind of education mentality toward the most important part of their lives: their marriages.

A lack of relationship “training” can particularly compound divorce risks for police due to a number of job hazards, including:

  • Rotating and long shifts
  • The intrusive nature of work demands into personal time
  • A partner’s inherent worry about officer’s safety
  • Symptoms of Post – Traumatic Stress.

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Defensiveness is offensive

Defensiveness is one of the “4 Horsemen” that are predictors of relationship dissolution, according to marriage expert Dr. John Gottman.

Defensiveness appears in one of 2 ways:

  • Righteous indignation (how dare you! I don’t have to take this!) or
  • Innocent victim-hood (why can’t you see all the good I do?).

Defensiveness is a way of shifting the focus away from addressing the problem or complaint; Defensiveness shifts focus toward blaming your partner.

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Are you a Beauty or a Beast in Your Relationship?

Honestly assess yourself to see whether you are contributing to a Beautiful or a Beastly Relationship. Remember, the quiz outcome measures where you are now … set goals to elevate your love!

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