Caralee Frederic, a couples’ therapist and weekend workshop counselor in Colorado, says conflict turns negative when the relationship lacks trust.
A person must trust that his or her partner is thoughtful and kind. This trust allows a person to give the partner a break.
Frederic recommends that couples:
- Assess the Relationship
- Identify Underlying Issues
- Learn Positive Responses
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The heart of law enforcement is “to protect and serve” the community. To do this effectively, and handle a range of situations and risks well, extensive training is a necessity.
Yet few people, including those in police work – and other careers that require intensive training – invest the same kind of education mentality toward the most important part of their lives: their marriages.
A lack of relationship “training” can particularly compound divorce risks for police due to a number of job hazards, including:
- Rotating and long shifts
- The intrusive nature of work demands into personal time
- A partner’s inherent worry about officer’s safety
- Symptoms of Post – Traumatic Stress.
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WHAT IS DEFENSIVENESS?
Defensiveness is one of the “4 Horsemen” that are predictors of relationship dissolution, according to marriage expert Dr. John Gottman.
Defensiveness appears in one of 2 ways:
- Righteous indignation (how dare you! I don’t have to take this!) or
- Innocent victim-hood (why can’t you see all the good I do?).
Defensiveness is a way of shifting the focus away from addressing the problem or complaint; Defensiveness shifts focus toward blaming your partner.
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Honestly assess yourself to see whether you are contributing to a Beautiful or a Beastly Relationship. Remember, the quiz outcome measures where you are now … set goals to elevate your love!
Click on this link to check whether you are Beautiful or Beastly in your relationship, and how you can improve. Visit: http://principleskills.com/blog/beauty-or-beast-quiz