Defensiveness is offensive

Defensiveness is one of the “4 Horsemen” that are predictors of relationship dissolution, according to marriage expert Dr. John Gottman.

Defensiveness appears in one of 2 ways:

  • Righteous indignation (how dare you! I don’t have to take this!) or
  • Innocent victim-hood (why can’t you see all the good I do?).

Defensiveness is a way of shifting the focus away from addressing the problem or complaint; Defensiveness shifts focus toward blaming your partner.

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