According to marriage research expert Dr. John Gottman, betrayals can be either the “deception of not revealing your true needs in order to avoid conflict or a yearning for emotional connection from outside the relationship.”
A betrayal is anything that violates a committed relationship’s expectation of mutual trust, respect, protection and caring because it can lead to pain and disaster. Three of the hard-to-spot, yet common, types of non-sexual betrayals are:
- Emotional Cheating
- Emotional Withdrawal
- Shallow Commitment
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Caralee Frederic, a couples’ therapist and weekend workshop counselor in Colorado, says conflict turns negative when the relationship lacks trust.
A person must trust that his or her partner is thoughtful and kind. This trust allows a person to give the partner a break.
Frederic recommends that couples:
- Assess the Relationship
- Identify Underlying Issues
- Learn Positive Responses
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WHAT IS DEFENSIVENESS?
Defensiveness is one of the “4 Horsemen” that are predictors of relationship dissolution, according to marriage expert Dr. John Gottman.
Defensiveness appears in one of 2 ways:
- Righteous indignation (how dare you! I don’t have to take this!) or
- Innocent victim-hood (why can’t you see all the good I do?).
Defensiveness is a way of shifting the focus away from addressing the problem or complaint; Defensiveness shifts focus toward blaming your partner.
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Our Certified Therapist Caralee Frederic will be a co-presenter at a two-day training workshop in Portland for therapists and counselors who provide private treatment sessions for couples.
The workshop, created by The Gottman Institute, is hosted and presented by my colleague Dr. Jack R. Crossen. Details are below.
GOTTMAN METHOD THERAPY: LEVEL ONE – BRIDGING THE COUPLE’S CHASM
March 7-8, 2017 (Tuesday-Wednesday) 8:30 am – 5 pm
“Bridging the Couple’s Chasm”
Gottman Method Therapy: Level One
To Read complete details, Visit at: http://principleskills.com/blog/training-workshop-for-therapists-and-counselors
The way you apologize after hurting your loved one determines whether healing will occur or hurtful feelings will fester.
Research shows successful relationships know how to offer “real” apologies. Here are five characteristics of what a genuine, meaningful apology looks and sounds like:
- Show accountability
- Validate your partner’s feelings
- Express your feelings
- Offer Reassurance
- Offer up a repair or amends.
According to marriage expert Dr. John Gottman, we miss the target far more often than we hit it. As imperfect humans, we miscommunicate, misinterpret, misspeak and mishear.
Since missing is the norm, our ability to make repairs is critical to making and keeping our valued relationships. A “real” apology goes a long way towards doing just that.
To Read this Interesting post, Visit at: http://principleskills.com/blog/a-proper-and-meaningful-way-to-say-im-sorry
Rituals are at the core of the holiday season, and social scientists suggest rituals have two important biological functions.
Rituals “helps coordinate group behavior and it teaches the young how to behave,” and, thus, rituals become a “cognitive imperative,” according to a 2013 article on ScientificAmerican.com.
In other words, a ritual is a healthy adaption essential to humankind’s survival. As you perform rituals, your brain rewards you with neurochemicals that signal “keep doing this because it may save your life someday.”
Here is my list of suggestions to create shared meaning, or rituals, in your relationship:
- Give the gift of appreciation
- Give the gift of intimacy
- Give the gift of understanding
- Give the gift of happy memories
- Give the gift of planning
These rituals, or shared experiences, strengthen friendship with meaningful connections to one another, by creating memories, and defining the “story” of your relationship.
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Happy relationships occur when family members physically and emotionally “Turn Towards” each other. This concept is buttressed by research by The Gottman Institute, which is world-renowned for its science-based methods to discover what couples in happy, long term relationships do, and to develop exercises based on their findings.
Unfortunately, many husbands and wives get caught up in the busyness of life and put off regular date nights, let alone heart-to-heart councils together. Demands on time and not knowing where to start are the primary obstacles.
While each couple will have to navigate their schedules to prioritize couple time, the link below will help you get started.
Click here to Read More: http://principleskills.com/blog/time-with-your-partner-counseling-and-councils