Defensiveness is offensive

WHAT IS DEFENSIVENESS?
Defensiveness is one of the “4 Horsemen” that are predictors of relationship dissolution, according to marriage expert Dr. John Gottman.

Defensiveness appears in one of 2 ways:

  • Righteous indignation (how dare you! I don’t have to take this!) or
  • Innocent victim-hood (why can’t you see all the good I do?).

Defensiveness is a way of shifting the focus away from addressing the problem or complaint; Defensiveness shifts focus toward blaming your partner.

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